Welcome Back, Coxer

Dick: Well here we go, after an unnecessarily long layoff. Pralines, Tim Donaghy has been making a lot of waves as of late, and you can't have an NBA finals series without talk of rotten officiating, so lets dish. First thoughts?
Pralines: my first thoughts are that i miss being in tennessee in a cabin up the side of a mountain with satellite tv AND the nfl network AND a pool table which was glorious (uber digression). but honestly, i don't back stern's approach (and the approach of the majority of commissioners when faced with harsh allegations) of just dismissing it like officer barbrady. "ok people. nothin' to see here. move along folks."
D: Yeah, he's taking the defense attorney tactic and just destroying Donaghy's credibility. I firmly believe that if you have nothing to hide, you face problems head on. This makes me think that there may be a more deeply rooted problem than just Donaghy. I read today that the feds were asking a lot about Dick Bevetta, he of the race vs. Sir Charles Barkley fame. Bevetta is like 80. I certainly hope he's not the mastermind behind the corrupted officials. Oh well.
P: i hope not as well. bevetta is one of the more well respected officials ou there right now. it might be that stern's right about donaghy's allegations, but instead of just pushing the usual holier than thou perception stern gives off when answering any questions about his league, he needs to show the fans that he's willing to address an issue that has been on people's minds for some time now. even if stern's right about donaghy, perhaps he's not willing to allow an outside entity to examine the league because of other transgressions happening that he is more than well aware of.
D: Maybe Stern is the ring leader. It makes sense: he's a native New Yorker, he tries his damnedest to keep a squeaky clean image, he denies problems like it's his job, and he hires guys named Donaghy and Bevetta to run the games. I'm on to you, Stern. I'm on to you.
P: and it looks like he's set a bad example for wet behind the ears commish roger goodell. he's behaving in a very sternish manner so far in his career. destroying the spygate tapes? really, rog? come on. we all know there are issues in all major sports, but officials rigging games (possibly on orders from the league itself) is unbelievable to me. teams or players cheating the game is one thing, but the league sabotaging it's own playoff system is a whole 'nother level of retardation. we're talkin' timmy and lords of the underworld retarded.
D: Ribrawr-timmawr. And let's not forget everybody's favorite scape-goat: Bud Selig. Whenever something goes wrong with MLB, and there are plenty of instances, Bud is usually to blame. For instance, the tie in the All Star game a few years back? Come on now. Calling his own efforts to see Barry Bonds hit the record breaker "herculean." Seriously? Sitting in luxury suites watching the game you supposedly love as one of its most polarizing figures breaks the most prestigious record the game has...that's herculean? Methinks not. They can't all be Paul Tagliabue, but they shouldn’t all be Bud Selig either.
P: Tagliabue did work on a level that Mr. Big Black himself would be proud of. i think with the mlb, nfl and nba, they are all worried about outdoing one another in the business-end of the world, so it leads them to make decisions a drunken fratboy would call "questionable." but let's look at the nhl. like the smartest/loneliest guy in class, sitting alone, occasionally talking (to no one), but that kid, while demented and sad, knows it's place and is willing to accept it and is all the more happier for it.
D: NHL will never be prom king here in America, and NHL is ok with that. It stands to reason that I don't know the NHL Commish's name. I sit at the cool table. NHL eats its dessert alone like Steven fucking Glansberg. To go back to Bud for a second, I have to ask your thoughts on bringing replay into baseball. Yay or nay?
P: baseball is already slower than molasses in winter (i dunno, i guess it's some kind of saying or whatever), but using it to determine home runs or fair and foul balls isn't a bad idea. using it to determine balls and strikes or outs is the worst idea since breakin' 2: electric boogaloo.
D: That's my opinion. Leave the sacred "human element" in the game as far as balls and strikes go, but why not make sure it really is a home run and not fan interference or a ground rule double? That would only help the game, would it not?
P: i agree, since those aren't judgment calls, but facts. i think facts are important, right?
D: I'm not a doctor, but I've always found facts to be important. They seem to have some weight behind them.
Unrelated side-note: Boston just came back from the dead and stuck it to Jack Nicholson and the rest of Lakerland. I couldn't be happier.
P: thank goodness. it was looking pretty bleak. i love me some nicholson ("I must be crazy to be in a looney bin like this") , but the lakers aren't winning this finals.
D: Right, I have no problem with Jack. He's a good man. I just hate Kobe and the Lakers. I'm not crazy about Boston either, but they are the lesser of 2 evils. I want the Boston 3 Party to get a ring. They deserve it.
P: the luckiest guy on earth right now? scot pollard. sat on the bench for most, if not all of this season, and is going to get a ring.
D: I envy guys like that more than anything in the world. I would honestly love to be Jim Sorgi, as strange as it may sound. He has the greatest job in the world, and he has a Super Bowl ring. What a dick cheeseburger.
P: or whatever. well, like peter griffin when he saw "failure to launch" at the movies, i'm done. good blog, all around. neat-o gang.
D: I can't believe it's been like 3 weeks since we did this. Way too long for my liking. But that's an issue for another day. Later, amigo.
D: PS: thanks for picking up my Airheads quote. Well done.
P: peace, dick. "wrong dickhead. trick question. lemmy is god."
D: I’M GONNA STAB THEIR HEADS OFF! With what? WITH MY DICK!




*obligatory footnote