Bueller? Bueller?

Dick: In case you've forgotten, we are in the business of sports blogs, and business has been slow of late. Hey, it's a lagging economy. What are you gonna do? But we have ample topics to cover tonight, and we need not waste anymore time getting this show on the road, as they say. Pralines, welcome back to the show, and what do you have for us on the subject of Brett Favre tormenting the life of Aaron Rodgers?
Pralines: Why the snow covered, sausage horking, ice fishing, cheese mongering citizens of Green Bay, Wisconsin haven't elected Brett Favre as their Mayor is beyond me. He's a green and yellow clad god up there in the frozen tundra. So if Brett wants to stay and QB another season or two longer for the Cheeseheads, that's fine by me. Aaron Rodgers seems like a nice enough guy and has been seen sporting a wicked awesome mustache in the past, but come on, it's Brett freakin' Favre. Grab a clipboard and fix yourself a bowl of Chunky's Soup. This career might take a while.
D: Alas, it didn't take long for our first official disagreement. Now I'm not going to try to debate the credentials of Aaron Rodgers vs. those of Brett Favre. It would be as futile as convincing you to drink ram's piss instead of beer. Not gonna happen. I will say, though, that it was Favre's decision to call it a career, regardless of any pressure he may have been feeling from the Packers organization. They probably did nudge him out the door, as their current actions would indicate, but he still had the final call. He had 2 years left on his contract, and they would have...I hate to say "begrudgingly," but begrudgingly let him play out his contract. He made the call, and they adapted and reacted. It is still a business, after all.
P: The Packers have every right to kick Brett Favre out on his Wrangler-clad keister and I understand why they might want to, but now since they've found themselves in this set of circumstances, they should probably live with Favre for another season. Plus anyone remotely involved can't wipe their ass without Chris Mortensen (Boo! You suck!) breaking into SportsCenter with a "new development in the Brett Favre saga." I'm sorry ESPN, but things like Star Wars and The Godfather are sagas. Brett Favre having a midlife crisis chock full of menstrual cycle-like indecision while a podunk town layered in ice and shame hangs in the balance isn't.
D: Well I just had a quarter-of-the-way-through-life crisis, as my Facebook inverted to some weird cryptic formation. Because I also know how to read links and tabs, that crisis has been averted. If only the Packers were able to quell crises so quickly and calmly, the people of Green Bay could get back to their cows in peace. Now as for the real victim in all of this, I can't help but empathize for Aaron Rodgers. He is probably the only professional athlete for whom I actually feel sorry. Think back to the 2005 Draft. All the talk was that Alex Smith and he were 1 and 1a in the QB/overall player pool. It was said that if he wasn't drafted first overall, he wouldn't squeak out of the top 10. No way. Woops. He sat there in the greenroom for hours and hours until the Pack scooped him up at 25. He watched his first contract diminish in value by the millions. He saw his chance for early playing time slipping away because there was no way legendary #4 would get benched in favor of the young gun.
D: Shortly after the draft, he was asked about Favre skipping mini-camp to be with his wife, Deanna, as she battled breast cancer. Rodgers jokingly called the gunslinger "lazy," and the media circus took off. He was dragged through the mud for making a harmless joke. If the national media even heard half the things I say, I would be a bigger pariah than Don Imus and Barack Obama's former reverend, combined. And now the stars align, Rodgers thinks he is inheriting the reins to a 13-3 team loaded with young talent and a pesky defense. Then what happens? His predecessor decides he's not ready to go yet, like a drunk staggering back into the bar. So GM Ted Thompson and coach Mike McCarthy have to play bouncer and insist that drunken Favre would be better off going home and sleeping it off. Tough breaks, young man. Tough breaks indeed.
P: I raise my Keystone Light (I smell a sponsorship) to you, Aaron Rodgers.
P: I wish stars can bow out gracefully at their peak or while they're still near the top and quietly continue their lives outside of sports (see: Barry Sanders).
D: I would love to see Brett Favre play another year or two like the one he just had, but not for another franchise. Never for another franchise. Jon Unitas, Dan Fouts, and Joe Montana all finished their careers at locations other than the ones where they earned their stripes. Dan Marino had it right, and he's doing ok for himself. Why not let the man who just passed #13 in all the record books follow in his footsteps one last time? Before he is elected czar of Wisconsin, that is.
P: Speaking of veteran superstars bowing out in Miami, Jason Taylor was traded to the Redskins for 2 future picks, a 2nd rounder and a 6th rounder. Should he have stayed in Miami? Maybe not. But should he have gone to Washington? Eh...I'm not so sure. I don't blame Washington (for once) for this personnel move as they had some injuries to their defensive ends in camp and made the best move they could.
D: This was kind of a no-win situation for both Taylor and the Fins. He was their best player by far (my pseudo-apologies to Ronnie Brown), but Bill Parcells really didn't want him there. It is hard to question Parcells' methods, just as it is hard to question the productivity and leadership Taylor provides. Miami is rebuilding in the mold of the current Dallas Cowboys, and Taylor was a relic from the old regime. Basically, he didn't want to be there, and they didn't want him there. Washington finally stopped making ridiculous free agent moves for overrated players and made a pretty reasonable sacrifice for a guy who can add a solid pass rush for the next few years, or however long he wants to keep playing.
D: Another reasonable trade with a lot of upside is Jeremy Shockey to the Saints for a 2nd and a 5th rounder. The Super Bowl champs get to remove a negative presence from their locker room, and the Shocker is reunited with his old offensive coordinator, who did some impressive things with the big guy earlier in his career. New Orleans is a pretty easy team to read. In order to click offensively, they need a balanced running attack (that includes both Deuce McAllister and Reggie Bush), explosive receivers, and a solid tight end. Now they have that.
P: I just hope Shockey keeps his psycho caveman persona I've come to know and love that he perfected with the G-Men. The Saints will most likely rebound from last season and I imagine the Giants will keep on clicking with the Big Boss Man getting the starts at TE.
D: Say what you will about Shockey's personality, but the dude can flat out ball. Payton is a creative offensive mind, and he will find plenty of ways to get the ball into the hands of his new toy. Look for the Saints to regain their 2006 form. I know I will.
D: Now as for the team I really want to see regain their 2006 form (postseason-wise, anyway), it is the Colts. Recent events have forced our star, our hero, our leader, our quarterback, Peyton Manning to have minor surgery on his knee. Word is that he will return to action in 4-6 weeks, meaning he will miss most of the preseason and be back for the regular season. What are the implications from your point of view, mi amigo?
P: I'm not concernicus about this surgery. Peyton doesn't play much in the preseason anyway so that won't be an issue. The surgery is to remove an inflamed bursa sac (bursitis) causing him pain in his knee. This isn't a big deal according to the doctorate I just earned by navigating over to WebMD.com. I'd rather him have the surgery now and be ready to go for the start of the regular season than avoid surgery and be worn down and possibly cause more damage as the season grinds on.
P: I like to avoid surgery when at all possible, but it's on a knee that he's not that reliant upon and not on his laser, rocket arm.
D: That's the main issue--as long as he heals up now and it doesn't affect his regular season play any, slice that knee all you want. Not to say that I am glad this happened. Far from it. But I am a little eager to see how Adam Tafralis does with his extra duty now. I know what you're asking: "Who the hell is Adam Trafalgar?!" Well he is currently our 3rd string QB behind 2nd year pro Josh Betts and everybody's favorite professional athlete, Jim Sorgi. Tafralis went undrafted after a fairly noteworthy career as the signal caller at San Jose State. He had a very good junior year but was injured for much of his senior year, leading him to us as a rookie free agent. I honestly think he might have the tools to push Betts out the door and even give Sorgi a run for his money as the primary backup. That, folks, was the frequently spoken of, rarely seen deadpan Dick dark horse pick. Lock it up.
P: You heard it hear first, folks. Keep your eye on that Tripoley character.
D: Speaking of Timberlakes, did you catch the ESPYs last night?
P: Missed it. No real reason. I don't think I've watched one ESPY Awards. I don't know what's wrong with me.
D: Nothing at all. I actually caught my first one last night. Awards shows don't appeal to me in the least, but I was pleasantly surprised. For a former boy band beebopper, Justin Timberlake earned a miniscule amount of my respect last night. He still has a high girlish voice, but he cracked wise a few times last night, so it was ok. Will Ferrell continues his stranglehold on the world of entertainment, and Greg Oden reminded everyone just how hip Father Time can be.
P: Mr. Timberlake's had my respect ever since "Dick In A Box."
D: That was hilarious. I just have a hard time adjusting my first impressions. He was in NSYNC then, and sometimes I still think he's in NSYNC now.
P: Yeah. It's certainly egregious to be a member of a boyband, but JT's done a fine job of picking up the pieces of his career and moving forward. Many can't get past the massive, yet hollow fame that comes with boy band superstardom. Some try desperately to keep the seed alive well past their expiration date. New Kids On The Block, anyone?
D: One other note about the ESPYs: apparently after the show, ESPN Page 2 writer Sam Alipour was hit by a car, and who was the good samaritan who helped him off the street and stayed with him until help arrived? One Terrell Owens. TO himself, ladies and gentlemen...who am I kidding, just gentlemen. Pretty cool for a guy who is constantly associated with a negative persona.
P: Maybe Papa Wade and Tony have helped T.O. turn over a new leaf as an arrogant wideout with more money than God AND a heart of gold.
D: I have to say, I don't know how we ever made it this long without blogging again. Honestly, let's never be away from each other for more than a week, agreed?
P: I feel ya, Dick (yikes). "Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?"
D: Before we go, I want to assure any of our readers that if they hear a guttural scream of pure ecstasy, don't be alarmed. It's just me celebrating the return of College Football Live to ESPN. Weekdays at 3:30. Spooge.
P: To our faithful readers, for every blog you do not read, a giant kitten will kill a retard. Thank you.