Draft time in Indianapolis is special for several reasons. For starters, we have solid ownership and management that knows what it’s doing better that anyone else in the league, even if the hometown fans have no idea who they’re going to get out of it. It’s pure faith based on past drafts that let the Blue Crew rest easy when Polian takes underexposed players. We don’t have leather jacket-sporting senile Skeletor* stunt doubles calling the shots, or Razorback lovin’ kajillionaire** Texans, for that matter. But I digress (even though I TOTALLY can now cause it’s my freakin’ sweet co-blog). Big ups for my main man Dick (the first of many homosexual-sounding phrases you’ll come across here) for calling Mike Hart’s name in his Colts mock draft. I trust his football knowledge far more than my own, but I doubted this prediction. Shame on me. I’m new. It’s my first day. My bad.
Do you ever notice how once the second round comes near to a close, you sink lower and lower on the couch as you are led deeper and deeper into the mouth of madness by the overly-tired and mostly superfluous analysts on ESPN? I mean besides the Lord God Mel Kiper, Jr., through which all is possible (Hairspray be with you!), and Mr. Monday Night himself (sit back down Kornheiser) Ron “Jaws” Jaworski, everyone else should butt the hell out. Chris Mortensen is a stammering r-tard, Keyshawn Johnson thinks all the wide receivers on Earth need mo’ money and get no love (shock, I know), Steve Young’s had roughly 50 concussions too many to be of any use to anyone and Berman’s only good for Home Run Derby commentary “It’s back! Back! It hit a guy in the back! Gone!” And that’s just the A-team. B-Squad’s headed up by Trey Wingo, who I actually enjoy listening to, even when he accidentally calls Steve Slaton Steve Satan, but we trade in Keyshawn for Cris Carter. Some of the things out of this guy’s mouth make me want to drive my White Shadow into the ocean (Fuckin’ Indiana’s landlocked! AH!). Carter actually called the fan base in Atlanta “different” and pleads with the Falcons fans to get behind Matt Ryan the same way they got behind Michael Vick and for them to get past the racial issue. I’m sorry but I think talking about the racial issue on national television isn’t helping anyone get past anything anywhere.
B-squad was on for all of day 2 on Sunday. Boo on a 10 a.m. start time, btw. Booze + weed Saturday night = no fucking way I’m seeing 10 a.m. Sunday (FYI, I’m no good at math).
I’ll briefly sum up the big winners and losers of this year’s draft. Winner: the Kansas City Chiefs, not only because Kiper said so, but because…well, he DID say so. Loser: the Chicago Bears because they failed to come away with ANY new quarterbacks, leaving Bears fans to suffer through another season with “Sexy Rexy” Grossman fighting to get snaps with *cringes* Kyle Orton. Winner/Loser: Matt Ryan won for going 3rd overall to Atlanta, but is also a loser because he came across as somewhat of a d-bag on television. He looks like he took some classes at the little-publicized “Tom Brady & Philip Rivers Center for Quarterbacks That Are Pretty Good but Look and Act like Total Douchebags.”
Point of interest: It was great to see Tony Reali stick it to Michael Smith once more. I liked Smith on “Around the Horn” and have missed him since he jumped ship to the questionable-looking “E: 60.” Although the rest of that panel stunk out loud (Where’s Woody Paige when ya need him? Oh yeah, probably hammered drunk).
Now bring on the regular season please Dictator, ahem, Commissioner Goodell!
*Rumored, but most likely 100% true
**Approximate net worth
2 comments:
Well done...well done, cant wait for more!
So is this it for the blog.
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